December 21, 2007

Season 2 Premiere: Hodding Carter & the TOTO Washlet (a love story)

(RT: 5:30) She's got all the right curves and amazing moves. She's the woman of author Hodding Carter's dreams. She just happens to be ... a toilet.

Music by: Lisa Cornelio;


nycdesigner said...


Ha. I yearn for a yearinal. Guys like to pee on the wall. That’s why there’s no lines for public mensrooms when you gotta make some serious yellow.

Anonymous said...

It’s so funny how Hodding talks about using only a couple of squares. I can totally relate!

This issue provoked a huge argument when my wife and I started living together over eight years ago.

After observing her grab a wad of maybe five feet of paper for a pee wipe—yes, just a pee wipe—I thought it was reasonable to demonstrate my method of less “waste” when a woman needs to wipe.

Take three squares and simply fold back on the dotted lines, in thirds, until you have a three-ply square. (If you ended up with a six-ply square, shame on you! Why don’t you go squeeze your SUV while you’re at it.) Now you should have a comfortable-enough pad for even the most sensitive meat curtains. Normally, for a pee, one wipe will be enough. (Don’t forget to always wipe from front to back to avoid any germs crossing the “tain’t.”)

Well, to this day, my wife does not see the economic benefits of using this system; and has the audacity to claim we help the environment by buying Marcal v. Scott! Phooey. I buy the TP, and as a male, naturally, use about one-quarter as much.

In fact, much less, since a shake* doesn't leave any environmental footprint like a five-foot wad every time a she pees. At a disadvantage, women have bladders one-third the size of a man’s, so they pee more frequently as a result, compounding the problem exponentially!

Needless to say, I have been in a doghouse with “WC” marking its entrance for over eight years! And all of our neighbors and friends know.

*If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.

nycdesigner said...

Don’tcha hate it when you’re pinching one off, and you know it doesn’t need a wipe, but you do it anyway? Of course you look at it to confirm your bet, but then feel guilty for throwing away more of the world’s resources. You trust your sphincter implicitly to discern flatulence from a huge mess! And it’s smart enough to know when you need to wipe, too.

Anonymous said...

As a proud owner of the Jasmine toilet (also in the Catskills)I can attest to its civilized and practical use. Funny how we Americans laugh at someones desire to clean his/her ass well. We would rather just get a piece of dry paper, wipe off the shit then go about our day. Would you do that if you got shit on your hand or face? Just get some tissue and rub it off! If my Jasmine broke down (which it has not in 3 years) I would run to buy another. Keep laughing filthy, dirty, ass smelly Americans.

Anonymous said...

This was great! I kept thinking how beneficial this could be for people with disabilies!!

For real!! If you're not disabled, you don't think about how something as simple as using the toilet becomes a problem for many.

If Jasmine (what a lovely name) was mass produced, covered by Medicare - highly unlikely - I'd get one in a minute!!

Ahhhhh - wishful thinking!!

Anonymous said...

@anonymous re wiping poop off your hand...

I guess we can just use paper to wipe shit off our poopie-hole because it hides between our cheeks and then is usually covered up by pants.

Butt imagine all of the improperly-wiped, hidden poopie-holes out there because Jasmine was there to help!

Anonymous said...

you are wrong about that peapeagirl. When Jasmine is finished you can take a piece of toilet paper and verify that there is not a trace of poop left. If there were, I would have a rash like you would not believe. I could not imagine walking around all day with an improperly cleaned ass.
Americans are backward in all forms of hygiene and health care.

Purpley79 said...

Dr. Oz asked Oprah on her show "If you got poop on your hands, you wouldn't wipe it off with a tissue, right? You'd wash it!"

Duh - validation for a butt wash.

You know Helen wouldn't lie! I bet that pooper catalytic converter thing works after all!

Anonymous said...

where you come from!

Anonymous said...

Different people have different life, different people have different interpretations of human life, you may pay more attention small links, so you have style!